Friday, July 12, 2013

Life goes after you, You go after life!!!

One fine day someone walks into your life and no matter how much you want to ignore, you keep crossing paths. So you start to think  this is what life intendeds for you and walk the path before you.
You cant Thank God enough for buiding this path ,for this person is the greatest gift to you from him.
Your mornings are more vibrant , your days are brighter and your evenings are flowery now. Every day is a new day. Couldnot it have happened earlier ? Standing in buses doesnot seem so painful now , autowalas cant make you angry anymore and work is just a part of your life. Weather is pleasant always! Ohhh. how does life gather all these colors in such a short while ?
Cindrella exsists - You are sure now. Long ago Man kind dreamt of flying -you now know the inspiration behind it!And you know you are in love!-The greatest seduction of mankind!

But the art is never everlasting-science is. Soon you realise Colors are just part of white and absense of white is black-VIBGYOR is overrated! Bus journeys are good when you have someone waiting for you at the end of the journey - else 1 hr in bus can actually suck up all your blood !
You look back. But theres no way you can get the old you back. You know its your fault. Its you who took some rosy steps ,just simply ignoring the thrones!You Knew all of this in heart of heart, but you choose to walk along because you were too afraid of walking alone.
Lifes cruel - it will always make you do things which you fear the most! Expectation rose but whose fault it is - Your's ofcourse! Nobody is God here . All are simple human of flesh and blood
They are bound to falter and make mistakes. Why trust somebody so much that they can break you to million little pieces ?

Sometime letting go is the best thing !

Life cant stop for anyone- Its the only rule!!!!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

ZINDAGI MIGZARA

“Come on!! At least stop now. For God’s sake I am in a damn office!” She repeated it to herself as she entered Meghdoot. Mind has its own wonder world ,when troubled it creates a havoc! Well, this is not the first time she is getting such strong intuitions. There had been many instances earlier and her instincts have never really failed her. But, all those things were real, connecting real people with real incidents ,not like an internet guy! Does being 20 ensures these fall pits? “Come on!!! I need to get rid of these stupid thoughts and I will.” She almost vowed crossing a strip of hair, over her ear and put the envelopes on the table.

Something strange has been happening for last 2 days. She met this guy ANURAG MAHANTA 4 months before in a chatting room. And, like million of people, who meet online, they eventually become good friends. But , something more than friendship shook her with time. He has almost spell a magic on her. Looking at his orkut profile every time she logged in ,has become a permanent habbit. His blogs got a secret follower and Facebook got a new user! And now, almost all of a sudden, she feels she is going to meet this guy very soon! Every passenger, every bus, every ticket counter made her search for that personality. She had been tired looking for him in every public place ,she visits and been tired of trying to understand why is she behaving like that! Yet , the feeling is so strong and it is continually haunting her for last 2 days! Something inside her tells her its all gonna happen. He is near somewhere! Something, not less than a miracle , will happen and she will just meet him. And all these expectation even after knowing the bitter truth “both of them are geographically miles apart and she even haven’t seen his photo except a blurt one in the orkut profile pic” ! ”female instincts!!”


“May I have your gum please?” a male voice from left to her in the table asked. ”Ya, sure”, she handed over the gum. “One envelope done and one left. Hope I will be home before 1.”She looked at the clock. Suddenly something caught her eye .Vrooom!! “It can’t be!!” “Ohh my God! So all the thoughts , expectations ,waitings were not in vain! ” She felt a huge adrenalin rush! She heard her heart beats! My God! She is not breathing! the sender of the envelope, on the table towards her left is “ANURAG” ?? “Come on idiot. Call him. He is done with his envelope! He is leaving .AAAAAAA!!!!!!!” “ Errrr...My gum??” She finally managed! “Oh sorry . I forgot.” He kept the envelope on the table and handed over the gum . And the ernvelope reads “if not delivered please return to – ANURAG DUTTA”!!!!

P.S this is my first story to get published in BL..:)

Monday, September 14, 2009

Some Thinking!

I had always come across politics as a mean of earning affluence and personal enrichment. But after reading Benazir Bhutto’s autobiography, watching Jaswant Singh’s interview, reading about Suu Kyi ; politics is taking different turns and its meanings is in the verge of change. Benazir Bhutto became the prime minister of Pakistan at the age of 35 to become one of the youngest executives of the World and first lady ruler of a Muslim country. This lady tolerated so much pain , that too after coming from one of the oldest and richest family of that country. Its very painful to think about her years of detention after imagining her as the bright president of London debate society in Oxford ,debating and impressing her way out. Life has taken such a twist for her. Throughout the book I was wondering from where she gathered such courage and vigour? What gives her so much strength to spend her golden twenties in jail leaving behind a luxurious life that too alone. Is it the hatred towards Zia? Is it the feeling of revenge? She answered my question towards the end of her book. She said “hatred cant drive people for so long, its the concern for a better tomorrow that’s driving her through her days”. I found her statement a little hard to digest because of my prejudiced thinking. I took the reason to be either her never ending love for her father and the feeling of revenge towards Zia. But after few days I came across some information about Suu Kyi. This lady got some striking similarities with Benazir Bhutto apart from sharing birthdays in the same month ( Suu Kyi 19 th June and Benazir Bhutto 21 st June). The years of detention, the pain, the eagerness for democracy and the genuine concern for the people of the land are some strings that attach them together in two different lands. Suu Kyi was not driven by any hatred. It is the genuine concern for the people that drives her and gives her strength to survive the years of detention and yet, keep alive the fire of hope within. The other day watching Jaswant Singh ji’s press conference was another good experience. A visibly emotional and shaken Jaswant Singh’s very diplomatic speech conveyed me that this person bore deep wound in his heart. His eyes, his too patient behaviour, his carefully choosen speech bore testimony to the fact that he enjoyed politics and got a mission and vision. All these things compelled me to give a new perspective to my views on politics. Mein Kampf is my new destination. Let’s see how the book effects me after years of postering negative opinion about politics.
ZINDAGI MIGZARA!!!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

SWAYAMVAR


I have been following Neeru Sawant’s swayamvar for quite a long time now. She announced with 100% confidence in Kofee with Karan that she won’t marry. Marriage is not somewhat for her – she confirmed. With 200% confidence she changed her mind. Of course why not, every person does so. But her sudden realisation came as a breakthrough for NDTV imagine. Saw many people include imagine in their TATA SKY recharge pack for July and August. Rakhi as a performer is not as famous as Rakhi as a story teller and self created controversy queen. She is a good dancer –true. Personally I have never been a fan a mainly due to her outrageous speaking quotient but for the same reason have been a true follower. Her stories about her life “Mein bhi do choti bandhti thi.”mein bachelor parties mein naachti thi”; on the spot decisions”Mein jaa rahi hu. Mein swayamvar chod ke jaa rahi hu. Koi mere piche nahi aayega” , self realisations “ Sab mujhe bhagori samajh rahe hain. Mein kamjhor nahi hu” and last but not the least the act of taking decisions on behalf of the God, obviously make her the listeners delight. Not to ignore her extraordinary expressions during all her act and speech. Oh man!!! Her eyes stole the show for the entire swayamvar. Staright eye locking had been her weapon whenever she wanted settle things person to person, condemn somebody and making a loving gesture of approval. ”Naino ki mat maniyo, naino ki mat suniyo .Naina thag denge”. All throughout her swayamvar she was quite calm with her eyes looking down most of the times in deep thinking. Exception to this occurred during eliminations, whenever somebody tried to take her out of her comfort zone(POOR ASHWIN!!) and during the last few encounters with Manmohan Tiwari. She seems like to behave and act as if she is in a rally of her admirers, being followed by thousand gazes even though she is with only two people. May be some side effect of getting a lot of attention and being too much conscious about it! Well, I loved some of jewelleries and dress she wore during the swayamvar. Side effect of being a girl! Last but not the least, sorry for being judgemental Rakhi, side effect of following you. I just cant but comment whenever you make a (public) appearance. And that’s a God gifted power !!!!!!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

A MOMENT


It was around 12.30 am . I was lying on my bed with Benazir Bhutto’s autobiography. Just in front of me , on the wall there is a calendar and a clock. Without my knowing , I was carried away by my thoughts and was far far away from my room. Didn’t know at that moment, but it turned out to be one of the most amazing moments of life till date . And right now when I am trying to put it into words I realised how poor my writing skills are! It was a moment where despair and hope both came hand in hand ! I was brooding over my current situation and somehow it changed. Completely forgot how hope overpowered despair. Dont remember the moment when my eyes fell on the calendar page. A girl was painting in seashore all alone...a rainbow emerged from her painting and ended in the vast sky. She seemed truly amazed and excited to see that. Couldt see her face but ya her hand and feet movements defined it in a far better way than it could have been from face. She seemed so happy! All details in the picture is in black and white except for the rainbow with all seven colours. That makes it truly wonderful. It was truly amazing towards the end. I was happy without any reason. I will never be able to put it into words how these moments were! Just excerpts.......

“I don’t fit into any frame. Fresh from college, knowledge is zero and the worst thing is I don’t know what I love to do. Right now I just wanna go to an island all alone. Lets take some few breaths and think wat I wanna do. I need to spend time with myself. I need to be alone. I need direction ! Need to find my passion. I just don’t wanna be that uncertain. Never in life I had been so uncertain! There had been time in the past when I got frustrated much. But that was for not being able to do what I wanted to do and, not for not knowing what to do!!!! I knew what I want but now I don’t. Whats there in my hand??? An uncertain future! Checking mail twice without fail and without any gain thats irritating!!!!!!! This is not what I should be doing! “Ei xualijani iman dhuniya lagise” (This girl looks so beautiful) I just wanna be at her place. I am so jealous of her. I wanna wear a skirt just like her! I wanna see something that amazes me! I wanna create something which makes me truly happy just like her..I wanna fill my life with all the perfect moments like this! Wanna be near a seashore all by myself oing what I love. I wanna see miracles! Everythings just so perfect ! “
It was a great feeling. It was such an immediate relief counting what i want rather than what I lacked! Suddenly I felt good! Felt lighter! Felt happy! Suddenly the room no longer seemed suffocating! Suddenly being unemployed did not feel so bad! There are lots of things which are still in my hands. I felt good.Really good! They say whatever you feel just before going to bed is your exact state of mind! So I am happy! I am happy??? Cant be...Well It is... I was happy and on the verge of a very good night sleep.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

The Speech


Loved this speech very much. Found it very much inspiring. So, thought of including it in my blog. Steve jobs delivered this speech at the graduating ceremony of Standford University on 12 June, 2005.
“Thank you.

I'm honored to be with you today for your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. Truth be told, I never graduated from college, and this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today, I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.
The first story is about connecting the dots. I dropped out of Reed College after the first six months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife -- except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl.
So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking, "We've got an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said, "Of course." My biological mother found out later that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would go to college. This was the start in my life.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life.
So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out okay. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked far more interesting.
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms. I returned coke bottles for the five cent deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the seven miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the "Mac" would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, it's likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on that calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards 10 years later.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something -- your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever -- because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well-worn path, and that will make all the difference.
My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky -- I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz¹ and I started Apple in my parents' garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a two billion dollar company with over 4000 employees. We'd just released our finest creation -- the Macintosh -- a year earlier, and I had just turned 30.
And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. And so at 30, I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.
I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down -- that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me: I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the world's first computer-animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, and I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometime life -- Sometimes life's going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love.
And that is as true for work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking -- and don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking -- don't settle.
My third story is about death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I've looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure -- these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for "prepare to die." It means to try and tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and, thankfully, I'm fine now.
This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept: No one wants to die.
Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It's Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it's quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma -- which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the "bibles" of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 60s, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and Polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along. It was idealistic, overflowing with neat tools and great notions.
Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I've always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
Thank you all very much. “

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

RESM


All my blogs uptil now, including this one ,had been written in our RESM ( renewable energy source management) class. This is the most creative class among all our classes in 8th semester. So, here in this blog I will try to echo the voices of my fellow batch mates . This is the most creative class of the entire semester where everybody tries to be rebellious in their own way........
I am sitting in the second last bench towards the corner with Nimmi and Sikha. This was the most sought after place for me for the entire semester. Best place if you are not such a devoted student and can’t commit yourself for the entire one hour brainwash. It provides you the luxury for being inattentive for a short span periodically or for the entire period if you want to! Time for some people watch...he he. Sikha is staring at her copy for more than 5 seconds now with her head just vertically over the copy. May be its a secret mysterious book which shows you your past and future when you concentrate. Nimmi is one hard nut to crack. She posseses the unique capability to divert her attention when Mishra sir is babbling and to concentrate when he is speaking sense. Mishra Sir has been alleged of not speaking a full sentence and replacing full stop and conjunctions by his “uuhs” and “aahs” over all the classes he had taught us.
Behind me is Sarit and Ankur in the half bench. Ankur is busy in his own world as usual and writing something on the paper(not RESM for sure!!). Sarit is stealing glances of the whole class and njoying his last bench view if the class ( I am not alone u see!!)
PE PE..Mishra Sirs phone rang. 3 Hellos....it was a blank call. pearls of laughter ( )fills the room.Everybody seems to be effected by the call except for the person for whom it really was. Mishra sir buried himself again in illuminating our minds.
Just in front of me Bir is struggling hard to make himself comfortable with half his body outside the bench. This is the price you pay for being the fifth person in a bench which atmost can carry 4 people. Our VP(vice president, gymkhana) is as usual busy with some hard talks and tasks with our CS(cultural secy ,gymkhana) . he starts slappings yatin(c.s) at his head and bir follows him. Poor Yatin.he tries to get back to Debaprasad but alas ,nobody joins him.No body dares to touch VP!!! All this while Lalit whi is sitting between these two people are busy aligning his body to best possible angle so that cs and vp are not disturbed. Neways finally Lalit also gets his share of slaps from our very powerful VP . Suon ,sitting beside Yatin is spotted concentrating on something .I cant see exactly. May be some gadget(his cell??) .No No..I can see now ..just discovered he is just on his way to become Leonardo. He is busy portraying MONALISHA ( read MISHRA SIR ) in action.
Configuration wise third but technically first bench in my row is occupied by KK(our very own topper!!), Kumudji and Hirak.Kumud and KK are looking at sir in the hope of getting to learn something and are filling their copies with valuable notes from our teacher. Kumud is by the way is seen deviating from board to his right ( HIRAK),left ( KK) and front right (DOOR). For the short span of time I watched Hirak he seems busy watching the door as if waiting for somebody.
Nw, lets move to the left row .. the technical first bench is parallel with the technical first bench of the right row. Bhargab and Pait –two 4th hostelier occupies it. Pait is least bothered to know whats going in Mishra Sir’s mind and I just saw him rotating 90® to watch activitie that are taking places among the last benchers.Bhargab is giving tough competition to KK while taking notes. Let me mention here that I waited a bit longer to cross cheque if Bhargab was really writing notes. He is indeed!!! So, guys , now you know whom to approach if KK doesnot give his copy for photostate.
In the second bench its Indra , Siddharth , Randeep and Gayatri. Indra is gathering lots of moral support from the environment to survive this class. Thanks to the lovely and magical window! He seems very happy. Whos walking down the street??? Siddharth has kept his lenses on the bench and thus blinded himself from the Board’s view. But he is damn intelligent. He makes sure he keeps his eyes fixed on Sir. SAFETY FIRST!!!!! Gayatri is very happy wearing Randeeps digital watch!I feel like screaming “ Randeep ,stop indulging her from those stupid work. More than half of our batchmates grades depend on her notes...Let her write!! ” anyways in the mean time Randeep and Sarit is found busy in some nonverbal conversation. Uma , Arnab ,Debajit ,Shyamanta and Nirjhar occupies the next bench. Uma is writing attentively. Arnab is sleeping I think. Cant see him well enough. Shyamanta is bothering Debajeet and NIrjhar with his endless questions . Since Nirjhar is buried in his book,so Debajeet is trying to ans Shyamanta’s doubt. Now the last bench of left row. The most special thing about it -” it doesn’t have a desk” !But its position in the class i.e. the last position compensates very well against its lack of desk it continues to be in demand. Infact ,this is the most preffered bench for Akhil ,my project partner who comes to class with a hard board when he is in some mood to write. Today he is absent .Infact many people are absent today. Two hostel farewells took place last night. So..neway today this bench is occupied by snigdha (Snidz) and Dulal. Snighdha is neither writing (due to lack of bench you see!) nor he is talking to anyone .he is periodically making a face to express his irritation and waiting very badly to the end of the class. Dulal has a copy in his hand and a pen in between his teeth pointing towards our beloved Sir as if ready to shot!
Now that was electrical 2005 -2009 batch surviving the RESM lightnings with few people missing. A class with a teacher , few students and a lot many universe. Everybody created their own world inside the class and tried to maintain 75% attendance. After all who wants to fail in last sem??